Prepare to be mesmerized by the type of raw writing talent you only get from master scribes like Dostoyevsky, Melville, Faulkner, and other writers I’ve heard are really good. The following are stories I penned as a budding young writer, mostly during English class when Sr. Margaret wasn’t looking. These tales, although trite and barely readable, represent the foundation on which my writing career was built.
Which explains a lot.
(All works on this page are Copyright © Valentine J. Brkich. For reprint permission (Ha!), send request to email@example.com)
[This is a story I wrote probably in the sixth grade. It has no title.]
by Valentine J. Brkich
The year is 1607. This is my personal log of my Journey to Jamestown, the first British Settlement.
I am Sir Valentine Brkich. I was born in London, England. My close friend, Lord Donald Dowdy an his apprentice “Took” Dowdy will accompany me on my expedition.
It is a cold windy day as I have a cup of tea with Lord Donald.
“Sir Valentine, do we know when we will bring the supplies off the ship to the beach and set up camp? Lord Donald questions.
“Soon after the water settles we can take the life-boats to the shore. But now we must rest for there is a chance the waters will be peaceful tomorrow.”
“Agreed, Sir Valentine for you are a wise gentleman,” Lord Donald replied.
“Good night Lord Donald. I shall greet you in the morning,” I gestured as Lord Donald and I got ready for the night.
The last two days have taken all my time to write because we journeyed far from camp in search for Jamestown. We traveled through a thick wilderness claiming short distances of land. We have heard a roar many times. It is very amuzing but creepy.
We are unsuccessful on our expedition. We now shall go back to London, and enjoy life.
The Gobots in Renegade Rage
by Valentine J. Brkich
[4th grade, 1985 – all spelling/grammatical errors were left unchanged]
Chapter 1 – Battle on Gobotron
It was a peaceful day on Gobotron but Cy-kill stopped that from continuing as he and Cop-tur, Crasher, and Fitor raided Gobotron unexpectedly. Finally, after three hours of battling they went back to their space cruiser. Leader-1 couldn’t figure out why the Renegades attacked. Leader-1 and Turbo thought about it and decided to raid the Renegade’s space cruiser for all the damage done to Gobotron. Meanwhile Res-Q and Pumper were trying to put out all the fires on Gobotron. Leader-1 plus Turbo, Scooter, and Blaster set out to raid the Renegade’s space cruiser. They got into their Command Center and took off in search of the Renegade’s space cruiser. But because of a breakdown in one of the Mobile Command Centers engines they had to come back. When they got back the Renegades had already begun a wild rage over Gobotron. They had also let their robot Monster Zod loose in the lower part of Gobotron. Zod destroyed nearly half of it. Leader-1 and the other Gobots battled furiously for 7 hours then finally the Renegades retreated and went back to their space cruiser. Other planets suffered the same damages. No one can stop these raging Renegades! Except for Leader-1. He and Turbo decided to carry on their plan.
Chapter 2—Sea Battle
Leader-1, Turbo, Blaster, and Scooter got into the Mobile Command Center and again went to search for the Renegade’s space cruiser. Scooter had fixed the engine in the Command Center while the others were battling. So everything was operational. As they flew over a planet they detected a tsunami about to crash near a small village. Leader-1 landed the Command Center right where the tsunami was about to hit. The tsunami crashed into the Command Center. But no damage was done. They decided to find out what caused the tsunami so they went into the ocean where the tsunami was formed. When they got to the bottom the water was getting rough. Suddenly out from a cave came the Renegade’s Space cruiser! The Renegades began to fire. Meanwhile in the Command Center another Gobot, Dive Dive came out of a secret hatch. Leader-1 told him to form a submarine and to sneek into the Renegade’s space cruiser and to destroy the main controls. Dive Dive formed a submarine and went out into the water. He found Fitor working on one of the space cruiser’s engines but Fitor spotted Dive Dive and they began a battle. The Command Center was shooting at the Renegades with maximum fier power. Just Leader-1’s luck, Cy-kill let Zod loose in the water. Zod came up to the Command Center and took a giant bite. But suddenly a giant squid came out of the cave and wrapped around Zod. The whole ocean shook. A huge whirlpool formed over the Renegade’s space cruiser. It tossed the space cruiser over and the giant squid now wrapped itself around it. Turbo then remembered that Dive Dive had wnet into the space cruiser to destroy the main controls. But Turbo did not know that Dive Dive was fighting Fitor. Turbo went out into the water to save Dive Dive. As he went out into the water he saw Dive Dive and Fitor battling. So Turbo swam over and blasted Fitor. Fitor was destroyed. Turbo and Dive Dive went back into the Command Center and then Scooter started the engines and they went out of the water then they went back to Gobotron to repair the Command Center. Meanwhile Cy-kill got Fitor’s remaining parts and the rest of the Renegades and escaped the space cruiser by getting into a escape ship and then they flew into space. Then the squid destroyed the Renegade’s space cruiser.
Chapter 3—Final Battle
The Renegades landed on a small moon. They built a space shuttle and also rebuilt Fitor. Meanwhile back on Gobotron, Road Ranger was working on the damage on the Command Center. Blaster had built a radar that detects moving objects deep in space. Suddenly the radar detected a meteorite heading straight for Gobotron. Blaster fired a missle at it. The missle died down before it could reach the meteorite. Then suddenly the meteorite blew up and right behind it cam the Renegade’s new space shuttle. It began blasting with maximum fire power. Turbo and Leader-1 gathered all the other gobots and they began but another battle. This time the battle was more furious than ever. Tank and Zod both invaded the top part of Gobotron but Staks and Blaster destroyed them. Leader-1 and Pathfinder destroyed Crasher and Coptor, and Twin Spin but it wasn’t over yet. Cy-kill and Zero destroyed Blaster’s radar. But then Flip Top blasted Zero into outer space. Cy-kill then got into the space shuttle and flew into space. Leader-1 and the other Gobots had one!
Shiek in SEARCH FOR THE MILLION DOLLAR HUMA-HUMA-NUKU-NUKU-A-PUA
by Valentine J. Brkich
[4th Grade, 1985, 86]
I am Shiek. I want to tell you about my greatest adventure. The search for the million dollar Huma-huma-nuka-nuka-a-pua. It started when I was driving my latest invention—the L.A.S.S. Cheif. I saw an old abandoned castle and decided to go in and look around. I went into the shateau and for protection, put on my Rubble Bubble suit. I went up a flight of stairs. They led to a bedroom. In the bedroom was a brand new USA Today newspaper. On the front page was a picture of Buster Bomshulum. He is a Billionar. In the paragraph below the picture it said that he was going to try to find a million dollar fish called a Huma-huma-nuka-nuka-a-pua. You are looking at a real life bigshot. He show off all the time. Right then, when I saw how much money you get if you find it, $1,000,000, I knew if I got the money I could build my new invention, The Air L.A.S.S. (L.A.S.S. stands for land, air, sea, and space). Then I could make more kinds of L.A.S.S.’s. So I ran down stairs and took my Rubble Bubble suit off. I was about to go out the door when suddenly a strange creature came running out of the fireplace. It was a blue colored creature with a large nose. It also had a box of Yum Yum TM crackers on its belt.
“Gonzo’s the name, minnings the game,” it said. [Author note: obviously this was written when I was interested in the movie, Goonies (note the fireplace reference), and The Muppet Babies television show.]
I was still trying to figure out what it, well, Gonzo was. “What ya minnin’ for?”
“China. It’s the cheapest way to get there. What you doing in this old house, Shiekie?”
“Nobody comes in here except me, Cermit…”
“Cermit?” I interrupted.
“Hi ho everybody!” A green frog came out of the fireplace.
“Ernie and Bert too,” Gonzo continued.
“Where are we, China?” Bert said as he came out of the fireplace, too.
“Wanna squeeze my rubber ducky?” Ernie asked.
“No thanks. I’ve got to be going now. See ya!” I said as I left the house.
I went outside and got into my Cheif L and then suddenly it went out of control! I was ripping down the road. Then, of coarse with my luck, I went past a police car.
“RRrrrRRRRRrrrrrrR! Pull over!” he yelled. “Well, going a little fast I’d say,” he said while writing a ticket. I didn’t have any money so I switched on the L.A.S.S. drill and escaped underground!
“And here’s your ticket?” he said as his voice faded in confusion.
Down I went into the ground. Soon I hit a tunnel. I got out and began to look around. There on the ground lay a skeleton of and old emperer. It had a robe of gold on it, and a crown of silver with the biggest red rubies I ever have seen. [Note second reference to Goonies] I walked in shock up to it. Behind it was a huge trunk. On the top of the trunk was a tremendously large aquamarine stone. Its bright blue rays collided with the glowing green rays of a emerald stone. But what really caught my eye was the key hanging beside it. I ran up, grabbed it and began to fit it into the keyhole on the trunk.
“What do you think you are doing?” an unexpected voice said. I turned around and the skeleton was standing up. It said tired, “I said, what are you doing with my fish trunk?”
“Fish trunk?” I said confused.
“After I take a rest, I’m going to put my fish I found in it. Its worth a million bucks ya know!”
For some reason that rang a bell. “Do you know the name?” I asked.
It sai, “I think it was some kind of trigger fish. Uh, Humanukipua, er somethin’ like that.”
“Where did you here this?” I said curiously.
“The U.S.A. Today. Us Dead people have to keep up with life, too.”
“Do you know where it is?” I asked with a sly look in my eye.
“Yea, its in the blue corri…wait! I’m not going to tell you!” it yelled. But I knew what he meant. I ran into a blue glowing corridor beside me, found a tiny map and ran. Then a sudden rock slide stopped the skeleton from chasing me!
To my surprise, Ernie’s head popped out from a hole in the ceiling. “Are we in China?” he asked.
I said, “No Ernie, you’re in some emperer’s tomb.”
“Oh, hi Shiek!” he said.
“What’s up doc?” Bugs Bunny said as his head popped out of the ceiling. “Hey, this doesn’t look like Sasakocha Valley to me! I knew I should of took that left turn at alberkerkie!” Bugs said discustingly.
“This place is despicable!” Daffy Duck said as he popped out of the ceiling. [Author note: Obviously I was on acid when I wrote this story.]
Afraid of someone or something popping out of the ceiling over my head, I left. It took me awhile to get out of the corridor because I left my L.A.S.S. Cheif L in the tomb, but it was worth the extra time. Because at the end of the corridor was a huge waterfall that had dark blue water. The Suns rays shined through the blue water, and that’s why the corridor glowed blue. Without thinking about the map, I walked for another 5 minutes down the riverside. I thought I was safe from anything now so I looked at the map. It said that the fish was in a large pool at the bottom of a shaft behind the waterfall. I turned around and began to run back.
Meanwhile, the skeleton had dug through the rock slide and was on his way down the shaft. After he made it down to the shaft the clever skeleton wrecked the shaft’s ladder. He planned to catch the fish and then escape through a secret tunnel in the earth’s surface.
Finally, exuasted and excited, I got to the shaft. I saw that the ladder was broken so I looked around for a vine or something. All I found was a long pole. I stuck it into the shaft and slid down it. When I got to the pool, I saw the skeleton running up the escape tunnel, so I chased it until it tired. But it was useless, he was to far ahead and was about to escape.
All of a sudden, another rockslide blocked the skeleton’s way and trapped him. Suddenly, a voice screamed, “Gangs way!” and Ernie fell from the source of the rockslide and knocked the skeleton down. Then also Bert, Bugs, Kermit, and Daffy did the same! I ran over, grabbed the fishbowl that the skeleton was carrying the Huma-huma-nuka-nuka-a-pua in and yelled, “I’m rich!”
“Not for long!” a deep voice said. I turned around and saw Buster Bomshulom standing in front of me. He had a 38 pistol pointed right at my heart.
I said, “Don’t shoot. I’ll give you the fish.” Then, out of nowhere, the tunnel began to cave in and wouldn’t you know it, it was Gonzo and he knocked Buster down to the ground!
Then Gonzo said, “Ah ha! China at last!”
“No Gonzo. You’re still a good distance from China.” I told him. After 20 minutes of digging, we finally got through the rockslides debris. Gonzo and the erst of the guys stayed and kept minning and Buster Bomshulom layed in the tunnel out cold for a few hours. I just went home to relax!
[Story written in 1984, 3rd or 4th Grade. This is apparently my first attempt at a screenplay]
by Valentine J. Brkich
On the world of the Transformers, Pathfinder was working on his new invention, the dubble of himself! (Pathfinder is working on his invention) “You and me will be a great match.”
Suddenly Evil Cykill walked in and said, “Pathfinder, all my Gobot teammates and I, will be waiting for you at the Battle Grounds, an if you aren’t they’re at 8:00, we will come and get you!” Then Cykill walks away.
That night Pathfinder and his dubble, leaved at 7:00. At 8:00 they were they’re. Tank and Crain Brain were waiting for them. Tank yelled, “Well, its Pathfinder and his dubble.”
Crain Brain said, “You get Pathfinder. I’ll get his dubble.” (Crain Brain crashes into the dubble.) (Pathfinder breaks Tank)
(The dubble lunged at Crain Brain shattering him in 1,000 pieces.) “Well it looks lik you’ve defeated my men”!
“Who?” [Author note: This is one of the many enigmas of this screenplay. I have know idea who is saying “Who?”]
“It’s Crasher”! Crasher started to fire at Pathfinder.
Suddenly Cykill came over the bridge. “I’ll get him” (said the dubble) (The dubble smashes Crasher.) (and Pathfinder breaks his dubble)
“O, no what’ve I done”? (Pathfinder is sad)
“Ha Ha” (Cykill laughs)
Pathfinder lunged at Cykill. Cykill got hit, but zoomed away. Pathfinder got all the pieces of Crain Brain and Built another dubble just like the first one.
Suddenly, Pathfinder heard Crasher say, “You’ll never defeate me again!” Then suddenly, Crasher and Jeeper Creeper appeared with Cykill. They destroyed both of them.
Were You Ever Surrounded by PYGOCENTRUS CALMONI? (piranhas)
by Valentine J. Brkich
[Author’s unfinished attempt at creating a new Raiders of the Lost Ark-type book]
High aboue the Amazon Jungles, a small private plane lost both of its engines and lost control. The only chance for the two men inside, Alex Wilson and Chuckles Smith is to land in the deadly waters of the Amazon with the water skies attached to the belly of the plane. While all this was happening, Jake, the planes lazy mechanic, was lying behind a crate making a total pig out of himself. He was eating some frozen pizza that was still frozen, pistashio ice cream, and a bottle of booze. Just like that lazy old pig. Never payin’ attention to what’s happening around him.
Anyways, Chuckles had gone totally wako. He almost came to but lazy Jake had came up to the cockpit and with his ugly face scared the daylights out of Chuckles. With a enormous splash, the plane landed on the Amazon. Chuckles was totally out and Jake was not sober enough to investigate the crowded and connfusing jungle. So Alex started out onto the river in his inflatable raft. On both sides of the river there was no slope that went into it just a drop.
What’s There to Eat?
A poem by Valentine J. Brkich (age unknown, possibly 9 or 10)
Alarm goes off I get myself awake
Put on my slippers that are down below
My stomach growls for something sweet as cake
The kitchen now is where I want to go
A cup of tea will wake me up for now
But where to find what now I crave and need
Some Fruity Pebbles for my stomachs growl
The cupboards empty, food I need to feed
A crumb is nowhere to be found by me
Some dog food lay inside a dish for now
But that is not a proper meal you see
It seems to me that I could eat a cow
But what is this that I have chanced to find?
A pizza slice that must have slipped my mind.
D.A.P.S.—Perilous Adventure (unfinished)
By Valentine J. Brkich (age unknown, possibly 9 or 10)
An F-14 rocketed across the night sky. Suddenly a spotlight from a platform on a high mountain peak flashed onto it. Then a parachute was spotted decending to the ground. Seconds later the F-14 exploded. As the spotlight was busy investigating the smoke and debris for any human sign, the unknown paratrooper plummeted into a high tree. As he began to climb down, he noticed a he Russian Flag near the large platform. At that moment he knew he was near his destination; Moscow. His code name was Night-Flyer and he was part of D.A.P.S. (Dangerous-Area-Penetration-Specialists) Moments later, a major search was oganized by the Russians to hunt down and kill Night-Flyer.
The Val and Nathen Adventure Story
By Valentine J. Brkich (2nd or 3rd grade)
[Author note: original title of story was “The Val and Mark Adventure Story” but “Mark” was changed to “Nathen” because author had a falling out with “Mark”]
Chapter One—The Plane Ride
Well, Nathen and I were going to Mexico for our vacation. We were all set to go. All of a sudden, Nathen said, “Val, look what time it is! We got to go or we miss our plane.” Well, when we got to the airport they just called our gate number, and we got there just in time. When we got in the airplane, Nathen and I got the chills because we have never been in a airplane since 1979! Well, anyways it was fun. First we had to land in Chicago because there wasn’t any plane that took you from Pennsylvania to Mexico. A few hours later we were in Mexico.
But before we got there, we were through a terrible storm! The ride was very rough. Then something really bad happened, the ride was so rough that both pilits hit there heads on the controls and both pilits were out cold! Then, one of the stewardess saw them and screamed!
Nathen asked, “Val, what was that?”
“I don’t know. Let’s go and see what’s the matter.”
“O.K. Excuse me mis, what’s the matter?” asked Nathen.
“The pilits hit there heads on the controls and now there out cold!” ansered the stewardess.
“Val, you drove an airplane when you were in the army so why don’t you drive the airplane?”
“O.K., and when I’m flying you tell the passengers to get ready for an emergency landing.”
When we landed Nathen called an ambolince for the two pilits. Then a great big bus took us to our hotel. I liked it. It even had a swimming pool! It was pretty and very large. It looked like this (picture not shown).
When we got into the hotel the bell boy took our suitcases. We said, “Graceus,” which means thank you.
He said, “Danada,” which means welcome. Then we went to our room and unpacked our stuf and got our bathing suits on and went swimming.
[Author note: Events in this story are suspiciously similar to a vacation to Cancun I took with my family around the time I wrote this story.]
Well, everybody was going to this place called Tulum. You pernouwnce it T-Lum. It’s a place where piramids were made hunderds of years ago! So we decided to go. When we got there Nathen and I couldn’t belive our eyes! The piramids were larger then a four story building! But one was littel, it looked like this (again, picture not shown, thank goodness!) We went over to look at it. Nathen and I started to read the writing on it and all of a sudden, we started to sink! Then suddenly every thing turned dark! And then we found ourselfs in a underground city! Good thing we were O.K.! I found a ring on the ground. I said, “Look Nathen, look what I found on the ground.”
“I’m going to keep it as a souvineir. Hey, I read in my tourist book that they said that it is the ring of dome!”
“Na, it’s just probably one of those superstishins.”
“Ya, your right Nathen. Now let’s find out how to get out of here.”
“AAAAAAA! My grandma always told me, never to look around when I’m walking. Now look at the mess were in! This pitt must be a hunderd feet deep! Do you want to start climbing Nathen?”
“No let’s go ahead. Maybe theres a way out of here, I hope!”
“Well, before we do, let’s find a place to sleep cause I don’t think were going to find our way out of here till tomorrow!”
Next morning, Yawn! “Wake up Val, wake up!”
“Not now honey, people are here.”
“Val wake up!”
“Whu! Whu! Whu! Whu!”
“Val you two-timer you! Who’s the lucky girl? Is she blond?”
“What do you mean?”
“Keep her from me ay?”
“Oh, nevermind. Well, com’on Lover, we got to get out of here. [Author note: Although this story seems to have some sort of bizarre homosexual slant to it, I assure you I am 100% heterosexual. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. A person’s sexual preference is nobody’s business but their own]
“Ow! What’s this? Nathen, look! Wow, look at this sword!”
“That must be a hundered years old!”
“I’ll give you the rind and I’ll keep the sword.” Val suggested.
“O.K. Hey, look out Val!” (not shown – picture of spear-weilding masked man attacking Val)
“Then everything turned dark again!” And we were back by the piriamid! [Author note: For some reason I use quotes very randomly throughout my writing.] And I said, “Let’s enjoy the rest of our vacation on the beach, O.K.?”
SOME SHORT STORIES ABOUT VAL AND MARK (a collection)
Trip at Hawiai
By Valentine J. Brkich
Well, Mark and I were going on our vacation. We had everything packed. So we went to the airport to get on our airplane. And we waited…and waited…and waited, finely our plane came. [Author note: I did not mean to say that our plane arrived “well.” I meant to say that it arrived “finally.”] The piolit was not redey yet so we took time to wash our hands and to com our hair. Then he was ready. Well, anyways it was grate. And the plane rode smothe.
Then we landed on Hawiai!! It was so buitiful. We rode a bus to our hotel. When we got up to our hotel, we jumped into our bathing suits and went swimming. At 4 o’clock we went out to eat din din at this place called Tic Tac. There steak was deilishis. Then we came home and hit the hay stack.
We woke up at 9 o’clock. We went to Tic Tac again and had bacon and eggs. Then we went to the beach again. We tried to catch some fish. I fooled Mark by catching a dead fish. Then we went to shore and got a sun tan. We stayed up till 1 o’clock! [Author note: This is still a very late hour for the author] Then the next morning, we packed all our stuff and took a last look at the ocen. And that’s all I remember about “The trip at Hawiai.”
Space Shuttle Beaver!
By Valentine J. Brkich
Well, Mark and I decided to make a space shuttle. We wanted to land on the sun! We built it out of a trash can. Mark was the head captin. We were all ready to blast off. We said the count down, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Blast off! It worked! We must be 7 miles off the ground! [Author note: please disregard this sudden and bizarre change in tense]
All of a sudden, every thing turned dark! “We must be in space!” Mark yelled. “Boy am I hot! Put on your emergency suit because, were going to land on the sun!
“Get out before it blos up!”
“Now what are we going to do?”
“Were falling off the edge!” [Author note: It is unclear who is speaking here or what exactly is happening because the author (me) failed to make it clear. However, seeing that this is part of a compilation of stories about Val and Mark, we have to assume it is either Val or Mark.]
“AAAAAA! For some reason were not flooting!”
“Like I didn’t know!” We landed on Mercuery! We fell in a crator! And then we came out the other side! Then we came to Orbit and went speeding down head first!
I said, “Thats smarts.” A guy called a ambolince. Not for us, for him!
The Big Race
By Valentine J. Brkich
Well, Mark and I both had our own race car so we decided to have a race with are friends. We made the race track in a big open feild. The race will have about five drivers in it. My car is a 67 COMARO. Marks car is a 57 Chevy. The race will be on Sunday. We called all our friends and told them about it.
Finily, it was Sunday. Everybody went to this place were we played when we were little. It is called, “Death Canyon.” We had to drive around it and back to my house! The only thing rong was…well, there was a place called “Deadly Drive!” You have to drive around it or else you will vanish! Then the race began!
“My friend Mike was in the lead.” (picture not shown) [Author note: We have no idea who is speaking here or why we put quotes around this sentence? As if that is the only thing that doesn’t make sense in this story.]
But Mark and I past him up. My friend Don must of got lost! Mark and I were tearing up the road! Now we had to go down the Canyon and back to my house! We roared down the canyon! Then we speeded to my house. Mark and I draw! Only 3 friends came back!
I said, “I’ll never have a race again.” [Author note: And I never did!]
“THE END” [Author note: Again with the stupid quotes!]
The Val and Jay Adventure Story
Written and Illistratted by Valentine J. Brkich
Well, Jay and I had to go on a seceret mission! We had to destroy the, Japs Seceret Bace. Both of us had our own B-17 Bomber. Then we went to the Air Force and got into our planes. I put on my helmet and said into the microphone, “Jet number 88 going down the runway.”
And Jay said, “Jet number 99 going down the runway.” Then we took off. We rosse to the hight of 7 miles. We were right above the Secret Bace so we went down and started shooting. (chaotic battle scene not shown)
The Bace was on fire so Jay came down and shot is last bomb but it missed it! So, Jay and I came down and shot all the power we had. We hit right where we wanted, the main computer.
Jay said, “We should get a metel of honor for this.”
“Ya! Let’s go back to America.”
“O.K. let’s go.” Jay was right, we did get a metel of honor!
Then all of a sudden the emergency tower called and said, “An unintified fling object fling over our bace and I think there Japs!” Jay and I jumped into our Jets and took off! Then we started shooting. (picture of us starting shooting not shown)
We blew them up and got another metel of honor! I’ll never forget this again!
Read this [Author note: This is a special edition that was added at the end of this story as a gift to all my dedicated readers]
How I Became a Writer
Well, it all started in school. I couldn’t find a book I was interested in. So my teacher told my mom. A cupple days later, we were at Economy (now Foodland in Brighton Twp) when my mom said, “Val, why don’t you write a story.” And that’s how I started writing. And I’ve been writing ever since.
The Val and Jay Adventure Story – Volume 2
Written and Illistrated by Valentine J. Brkich
Well, Jay and I were going on our vacation. We were all set to go. So Jay and I went to the airport to get on our plane, but when we got there our plane wasn’t there yet so, we went over to the caffe.
Finily the plane came. Then we got on the lane and put on our set belts and then the plane took off. “Oh!” I’m sorry, I forgot to tell you where we were going! Were going to Hawiai! Well, really were going to Hawiai for a seceret misstion! We have to rent 2 B-17 Bombers. Because, the government wants us to destroy the Jap’s seceret Bace! About 8 hours later, we were in, “Hawiai.”
When we were getting off, we met this kidd named, Mark. He herd us talking about our misstion and wants to help. We couldn’t let him down so, we said, “Sure Mark!”
“Thanks and, you will never regret this.”
“But remember, you got to be care ful.”
“I’ll be care ful.”
“O.K., let’s get our jets and take off.”
“First, let me stretch.” Then we got our planes and took off.
We were right above the bace when all of a sudden an enemy copter was comming up to shoot us! But I made it chase me so Jay and Mark could shoot the copter from the back. It worked! So we went down to destroy it!
Mark shot his last bomb but it missed! So, Jay, Mark, and I shot all the power we had and it hit! We got a metel of honor! Well, that’s the end, bye!
The Golden Sword and the Ewok
Well, it all started when Joey, Nathen, Mark and Jay and I were digging for bones. I fell down this deep hole and I found this 6 ft. long sword! And it was gold! Since I was all alone, I decided to look around for some more stuff. Then all of a sudden, the sword flew out of my hand! Then I herd something comming.
“Thump, thump, thump.”
“Oh!” It was an Ewok! I said “Hi there little munchkin.”
It said, “UW! AA!”
“Your cute!” I said. I asked him, “Do you know how to get out of this place?”
He said, “Yaw, uw eee awllow me!” He sounded like he said, “Follow me!” So, I followed him. He didn’t show me how to get out, he showed me where he lived! All of my frends were there!
I yelled, “Joey, Nathen, Mark, and Jay!”
“Val run they’ll kill you!” Mark said. Then all of these Ewoks started chaseing me! My little Ewok friend pretended to be a bad Ewok and jumped up and down till they were gone, then helped my friends.
“Boy, he’s smart.” I said.
“How did you get back here?” Mark asked.
I hid behind a rock and yelled, “Hey, over here in the water.” And they jumped into a broken suwer pipe. There proboly in the Monaca suwer by now!
“Hey, look at that sword over there!”
“That’s the sword that I saw!” I yelled. And then I picked it up. It started to turn different colors! Then, all of a sudden, a suit of armor apeeared on me! Then a shield apeeared in my hand! Then a three headed dragon apeeared in front of me! I yelled to my friends, “Run!” And they did. I took the sword and threw it! It went right between the middle dragon heads eyes! Then the three headed dragon fell dead! Then I threw the golden sword on the ground. Then ground turned on fire! I picked up the sword and the fire stoped! All of a sudden it started turning colors again! Then a romen suit apeeared on me! Then another romen suit apeeared with a romen in it! The romen started to sword fight with me! Then I threw my sword at it, but just when it was going to hit the romen, the romen disapeared! And then the romen suit that was on me disapeared! Then, the sword disapeared! Then, everything turned dark and we were outside again! And we went home and ate din din.
By Valentine J. Brkich
Well, Don and I had to go on a seceret misson. We have to destroy the U.S.S.R. Seceret Bace! We will have tow Battle ships and we both have our own crue! [Author note: The use of the word “crue” is obviously a foreshadowing of my future devotion to the band Motly Crue.]
Then we went to the place our Battle ships were and got on them and sailed to the U.S.S.R.” But first we docked in Eurupe. We docked in Eurupe because we had to get lots of Amo. Then, three days later, we were a mile away from the Bace! Finily, we got there. And the fight began!
It was a terrible fight but we were doing good. We shot all the power we could and then the Bace cought on fire! We sent some of the crue out on life boats with machine guns.
“They blew up some of our rafts up!” Don shouted.
“Don, turn around and bern rubber or we will be ashes.” I said. Soon as we were a mile away we herd a big, Boom!
Donnie and I yelled with joy! Then I said, “The next time the government askes us to go on a seceret mission I’ll say no.”
By Valentine J. Brkich
[Author note: The name “Choplifter” was lifted from a video game I used to play. This story was originally about a helicopter that dropped fart bombs, but was changed when Sr. Peggy advised me to get rid of the questionable content.]
Well, Mark and I have to destroy the Canaidien Secret Bace because this morning a Canaidien plane bombed Harrisberg! So, we got mad and decided to bomb there secret bace. We will use the seceret, B.liner. [Author note: I have no idea what this means or where I came up with it. I believe the original name of the copter was “The Fart Flier.”] The B.liner has a seceret place where a [fart] bomb comes out. When the [fart] bomb hits something out comes a robbot comes out with a gun. [Author note: Originally this gave a detailed explanation of the effects of the “fart bomb.” However, when I changed it to a “robbot” I guess I didn’t edit too well.]
Now this is the hard part. We have to save the people of America because there is going to be people that are driving to Canada and they might get capured! So, we made an iron later. We were all set to go so, off we go!
We started shooting as soon as we got Red Alart. We got all the prisinors so we went to destroy the seceret bace. The B.liner has many weppons so we have a good chance of destroying the bace.
I said to Mark, “Lets turn around and go back to America before it blows.”
Just when we went over the border we herd a big Boom! Mark and I yelled with joy and then we went home.
Train Leaving For Death!
By Valentine J. Brkich
[Warning: This story has elements that may offend people of Japanese decent, as well as English teachers]
Well, Mark and I are both Five Star Genenerels. The government wants us to take some AMO from Los Angles to Mexixo without getting blowen up by Japan because they don’t want Mexio to get all that AMO. The only thing that’s dangeres is that if one of Japans bombs hit one of our coal cars the train will start on fire!
Well, three days later it was time to go, so we went to the trainstaition and got our train and started our jurney.
As soon as we got to Phoenix ARIZONA we were being bombed by Japan! Then we shot of our canons, and it hit a Japs plane! The plane came down like an arow! Then all of a sudden a bomb hit one of our coal cars and the train started on fire! That really made us mad, so, we shot every canon we had. We hit about five planes! We had a tank on the back of our train so, I got in it and worked the gun on it. The fire hit one of our T.N.T Cars! The explowtion was so rough that it blew up the hole care and about ten cars were stuck on the track enclueding me! There was only five planes left, but enogh to destroy our train! Mark stopped the train and came back to help me but it was to dangeres so, he went back to the engine and backed the train up, because the hooks will fit together even if you push them together. It worked so Mark started the train and made it go as fast as it could! All the planes were together so we shot our seceret bomb. It shot all the planes down in one shot! Just when the planes blew up we crossed the border of Mexico. Mexico repered the train free because we went threw all this truble!
Then I said, “Lets go to Acapulco and have some fun!”
The Lasser Coptor—Volume 2
By Valentine J. Brkich
Well, the President of the United States wants Mark and I to destroy the U.S.S.R. Secret Bace. He said that we will both have our own Battle ship. We said that we would do it so, we went to the Navy and got on our ships and started sailing!
Just when we were a ½ mile away the President called and said, “I forgot to tell you, one of you will have to abandon your ship because you have to get the Lasser Coptor from the bace! That’s all.”
“Well, Mark I’ll do it.” I said. Then all of a sudden the scaner picked up something! It was a U.S.S.R. Battle ship! I said, “Were at the bace!” I shot a torpedo and then I jumped out and swam to the bace. Then I climbed up to get on the Lasser Copter.
When I got on it I started it and took off. When I was flying I herd the President talking through my walkie talkie. He said, “Insted of taking the Lasser Copter to America, destroy it!” So, I took it down onto the water and got ready to jump out but before I jumped out I called Mark and told him to shoot it on the count of three. He we go! 1, 2, 3! As soon as I hit the water it blew up! All the other ships were gone so, we started our jurney back to America but first we went to Germeny to celebrate. Then the President called again and said, “Congajulations!” [Author note: Obviously the President in this story is our very own President George W. Bush.]